Vignette #2

Apple

No way, I thought. Did she really think that I, I would eat the entire apple? Me, the pickiest eater in like, the entire world?

It’s easier if you start at the bottom and work you way up. If you eat the apple and the core separately, it tastes like crap. If you eat ‘um together, the tastes just blend together. Think of it as fuel. I stared at my apple. I was pretty sure there was no way I was going to put oil in my mouth, but I knew what Kendra, our naturalist up at Yosemite, meant. So I sighed, thinking of the very long hike up a mountainside that was before me, not to mention the equally long hike down, and I took a bite out of the bottom.

For me, eating is like an audition for a musical. Only the best is put through. And it’s not enough to be able to act, you also have to be able to sing. Well, the apple could act well enough. I could barely taste the core. But this apple just couldn’t sing. The texture of the apple going down my throat was disgusting, and I had to force my self to let it have a role, one who danced and even greeted my main character good morning, but who fell ill early on in the plot with a bad case of strep.

Do we have to eat the stem too? asked Maddie, despite knowing fully well the Mr. Tygiel theorem. Once, upon someone asking him if we had to write this particular assignment out in full sentences, Mr. Tygiel, my Hebrew teacher, told us to stop working and proceeded to tell us a story about when he was in the army. One time they were asked to report somewhere or another, I can’t remember where, but the point was that that had to get out of their tents. And one man asked, not sure of what he should take with him, whether he should bring his gun. And the guy in charge said, sure why not. And so everyone started asking him if they should bring this and that, and his response was the same each time. They ended up having to bring the entire contents of their tents out with them and carry it all to where they had to go. In other words, if you don’t ask you can get away with doing less. My Hebrew assignments are never in full sentences.

So naturally Kendra said yes, we have to eat it. Which we wouldn’t of had to do if Maddie hadn’t mentioned it. I threw her an evil look. She smiled at me. I couldn’t help but smile back. But when no one was looking I snuck my stem into my backpack. Stems can’t even act.